day eleven + ramblings

day eleven: the last book you read

the last book i read was the hundred dresses by eleanor estes. i read that on sunday when the weather was just so nice that i went and laid outside for two hours (and got sunburned). when sierra and i went to barnes and noble this semester, we came home and were just all about reading and reading and reading. she had brought a number of books with her from home so she just gave me several to read and the hundred dresses was in that pile. i hadn't ever read it before, though it appears to be a childhood staple to like...everyone. but i really loved it. would highly recommend it to anyone and everyone.

now for ramblings.

i had a really hard day yesterday. having your mission papers put on hold for medical reasons is really...it just hurts. i cried a lot. i ate nutella. i bought ice cream. my sister had sent me cookies. but nothing helped. i was just so, so sad. and i lost my contact (i think in my eye, but it still hasn't come out, almost 24 hours later). my stomach hurt. i kept crying. no one i've been talking to understands the hurt that i'm feeling, and that hurts. so i prayed. because through the atonement, Jesus Christ knows all of my sorrows.

can we just talk about how amazing that is for a second? Jesus Christ knows every single one of our pains and sorrows, and He knows exactly how to comfort us. and now let's talk about how completely under-utilized and under-rated this specific part of the atonement is. more often than not, that part hardly ever gets mentioned in any discussions of the atonement. (i completely understand why, by the way. but it makes me feel like the atonement has been labeled into parts that are most important and not that important, and i don't know...that doesn't strike me as right, but... i'm sure i could make this very topic into an entire blog post in and of itself, so i'll spare you for now.) the point i'm really trying to get at here is that (in my mind at least) because that part of the atonement doesn't get mentioned all of the time, it also doesn't get remembered all of the time. for me, there are a lot of times when i'll be sad and just want to cry, and eat chocolate anything, and watch sad movies to cry more, and take hot showers while crying, and just be alone and not talk to anyone because no one understands why i'm sad and no one can help me so i just have to get through the sadness alone.

how many times have we all fought through the sorrows and pains by ourselves because we forgot about that part of the atonement? for me, it's been a lot. pretty much every time up to this school year. it's been such a blessing for me to realize that i don't have to go through the sadness alone. it really makes things feel so much easier and lighter.

and i'm not done with the sadness that hit me yesterday. and i probably won't be for a while. a new wave of sadness washes over me every time i see someone post that they got their call. (which is a lot, because i'm in a sister missionary group on facebook...) the whole process of my mission papers has been such a trial. and right now i'm starting to wonder if i'm actually supposed to be going on a mission or if that's just something that i made myself feel because it's what i wanted to do. maybe Heavenly Father has other plans for me. and if He does, that's okay. i know that everything is going to work out how it's supposed to work out. just not in my timetable. and that is okay.

so what i want to take away from this is that it's okay to be sad. it's okay to cry. just remember you never have to go through your pains and sorrows alone. it's all going to be okay.

s.e.