on serotonin

 I haven't posted in 6 years. I was just looking at all of my old posts and I never had a following. I'm sure no one will even see this. But maybe that makes it better? Then maybe this can be more like a journal and I can be more honest and raw. 

I keep having this thought..

You know when your brain understands something logically...but your lack of serotonin tells you that logic is a lie? 

Stupid fucking brain chemistry. 

Procrastinating

I have a thing for procrastination. I really do.

Everything in my life has been put off to do later. Okay, maybe not everything. But a lot of things.

What I'm trying to say is that, I have a problem. In fact, this blog post is procrastination in and of itself. I'm supposed to be writing my talk (my farewell talk, in fact) that I'm supposed to be giving in Sacrament Meeting tomorrow morning. Instead, I'm telling you all about how I procrastinate.

If you could get an award for being the absolute worst procrastinator..I'd have it.

s.e.

a rant from a confused fangirl

Fangirl life is one of my favorite things. I can't even explain why. But I love it.

There is, however, one thing I don't understand at all.

Why do the fan-names of an actor all have to have a negative connotation about them? (In all fairness, it isn't all names. But there are some/a lot.)

For example:
Benedict Cumberbatch's fans are "Cumberb****es"
Tom Hiddleston's fans are "Hiddlestoners"
Jensen Ackles' fans are "Ackleholics"

Why can't the names be something nice and happy like the actors themselves, as opposed to revolving around drugs, alcohol, and nasty words?

One of my favorite fan-names is Fabbingtons (the fans of Amanda Abbington.) It's great, because it's still using her name and combining it with the word fabulous. How great, right!?

I think all fan-names should be as such. But I suppose that's just my opinion.

s.e.

a few of my favorite things

• the smells of summer (fresh cut grass, sunscreen, barbecues, outside, etc.) 
• thunder storms (everything about them) 
• cleaning the nursery at the hospital when all the babies are in there 
• runs and yoga 
• driving late at night in the summer with the windows down and the heat on while blasting music 
• workout clothes 
• the color gray 

s.e.

new hair + sunshine + guitar + skyping best friends for an hour and a half.

thank you montana for being so lovely 

thank you home 

thank you friends 

s.e.

The truth is

Pamela and I aren't handling Sierra's departure very well. And by that, I of course mean that one of us is sobbing at all times. (Okay, neither of us is sobbing right now. But any brief reminder as to why we're so sad, and the waterworks are going off. I swear, it's been like Niagra Falls coming out of our eyes all day.)

It's going to rain tonight. Or it looks like it's going to rain. Pamela and I keep looking out the window and saying things like, "I just want it to start raining already so I can make tea, and we can watch sad movies and cry together."

I texted Sierra, and I made it sound like she had died. But with the amount of tears coming out of Pamela and myself, you would think she had died. We are messes.

We'll be skyping her later tonight when she gets back to her home. So that's happy. But it's not going to be the same.

I'm also moving my stuff into Pamela's room, because she doesn't think she can handle being alone/sleeping in the room alone. Really, we are being so crazily dramatic about this you'd think Sierra had died. Really.

Anyway, I just thought I'd write about how I hate goodbyes. They're my least favorite thing ever.

s.e.

In honor of my 50th post....

you get a video of me opening my mission call! Hooray!

I am still so deliriously happy! I can't wait for August!

s.e.